Will try to remember that the heart break will not be the first in the world, nor the last. although this is easier said than done. will not quarrel with the partner or hurt the partner. will also not to seek any kind of explanation from the partner's new partner, as I consider it my partner's responsibility to respect our relationship and not go out to cheat. will let the partner know that I disapprove of that kind of behaviour, and will walk away in peace. will then move on, even if it may seem hard at the beginning.

I think reading the bible always creates a question: should we look at the content critically or just as it is?

haaahaaaahaaaaaaa! you've made my day brother. keep them rolling the jokes they are good for the heart :-)

lool Miller, 40 isn't too far off. Anyway, I think age is just a number...

Hi all,
I was listening to an African internet radio show. They have a weekly programme where they try to connect singles. A lady, I think she is based in the UK (or was it USA?) called and introduced herself, the kind of men she would date and so on. She also revealed that she had such a good job and earned enough to even look after her partner should need be. The the moderator started asking her questions. You  know those kind of questions that most of us would not feel comfortable disclosing on a public forum e.g. when is the last time you were physically intimate with someone and why.

Well, the lady seemed to have some cool things to say as men suddenly started calling from all over the world. Then it came to the most critical part of the question and answer session, the 'how old are you bit'. She revealed that she is well above 30. Suddenly all the guys seemed to be dropping the call except one who 'blatantly' claimed: 'but ma'am thirty is already too old'. I personally thought that was way too mean, but was too meek to call up and challenge the guy on behalf of the lady.

Any, what do you folks think? What is the right age for marriage? Gentlemen, would you marry a woman who is above 30 possibly going 40, has never been married, got no kids and seemed to have been a good girl all her life? Ladies would you marry a 40year old male virgin or would suspicion stop you from taking that life changing step?

Hi all,

Living very far from home (Africa that is) has meant that I have had to scout around for a church that I can most identify with. A church that's close to the kind of church I grew up attending. In my search, I have visited churches based on a number of criteria including the most common nationality of the attendees. I have explored, if you may. I have also accompanied some of my friends to their churches, which has allowed me to intermingle with broadly e.g., Nigerian, Ghanaian,  South African, German, Austrian, British, American and Zimbabwean segments of worshippers.

In the process, I have noticed one thing: A lot of us African women tend to weep a lot in church when we are being 'prayed for' by the pastor, and some of us may literally throw ourselves at the pastor with the strong belief that his act of laying hands on our heads will solve all our problems. Based on these observations, I have started asking myself what God expects from us when we talk to him. I started thinking about how my father would react if I would cry everytime when I ask him for e.g., financial assistance or to share his wisdom with me.

Where do tears stand in our communication with God? Does God expect us to weep? If you feel that you somehoe know the answer please share it, as this could help not just me but a lot more other people out there. Of course, I am aware that we can never fully comprehend God, but surely some of us have a much richer spiritual understanding of, and relationship with him, which may help in explaining things to the rest of us.

By the way this post is not intended for, or related to, my research on brand Africa :-)

WOW. That cracked me me up...

but why are they all non-African horror figures :-)

Hi all,

just to update you on how we are doing with the research, here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omFTWox94sA

looking forward to your comments and recommendations.

Best wishes,
Dqueen

I think it's time for us to focus on 'us the people'. Perhaps you would like to comment on these views: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omFTWox94sA

Is Myne Whitman Nigerian? I have to admit some of the novels I enjoyed most were written by Nigerian novelists. The stories varied in their style and thickness. But there is one thing I enjoyed a lot about them, they were African centred - which means I could relate to many of them in many different ways. I read most of those when I was about 16-18years old. back them we called them Pacesetters, and I had to negotiate a lot with the school librarian who always thought I was too young to read certain books. I hope to get hold of Myne Whitman's copy.

It's getting exciting. Anyone predicting that the Ghanaians might take the cup home this year. If they do, then I have to move to Ghana :-)

Interesting post. Just the other day I was asking myself the same question after watching a Youtube Video Of Barack Obama crying. The I remembered that some people also cry when they laugh! Why they do it, I don't know. Perhaps it's an emotional thing that we can't really define or understand.

This is an interesting thread (question), and a difficult one at the same time. I guess we learn something everyday. However, what I learnt is that if you work really hard for an exam, you will pass it.

WOW Perfect! I won't reveal my preferences to the whole world :-)

Indeed, Happy New Year to you too and everyone in this community!

build a sand castle that's never going to collapse come what may :-)

Firstly, I would like to commend you, if I may, for your business ethics. As a business man, I think you have a good approach towards dealing with mishaps.

By not taking responsibility I meant at institutional level, e.g., government and even at 'social' level. In simple words, if our governments were responsible enough, would corruption be so rampant across Africa? And if we ordinary Africans were responsible enough, would we choose 'irresponsible' leaders simply because we 'like' them or they come from 'our village'. These are questions I constantly ask myself, if I may say.

I think in general women tend not to chat up men, unless they are either (1) desperate or (2) really drunk. don't know...

I think because opposites attract, LOL

because African culture does not expect, allow and respect female initiation in establishing relationships: It's the man's job. A woman who takes it upon herself to court a man is often seen as desperate, loose and not fit for marriage. No African girl that I know would like to be classified as such :-)

My worry, and honestly as a result of the learning I have been exposed to in the course of my studies, is that we Africans do not seem to take our responsibilities seriously. What do you think?

I think poor people remain poor mostly because they do not have the resources to allow them to change. I also think they do not participate in affairs, especially at national level, that would allow them to change as they give priority to their more immediate concerns. I say this tentatively, as I could be very wrong in my assessment.

Interesting. But again, what is love?

Is there a thread titled "Ladies what do you dislike about men?" somewhere in the forum? Would be interesting to compare the two.

That 'girl' in the picture below, is she the mum...she looks like a kid herself.

HOME :-)

I like the smell of earth it has just rained, especially if it had been a very hot day. Love that African rain is never so contaminated. You can drink  it.

our parents for example 'love' us. are they always 'kind', and do they always 'believe' us, even in our 'failures'? the point I'm trying to make is that love is elusive and perhaps even contextual. however, if for you love is all those things that you have mentioned, then that's love for you:-) this is an interesting debate abitex577.

hmmm...looks like I am a passionate debater on this subject called love, LOL!

I think you have said some interesting stuff abitex577. love is always an interesting topic. often too controversial. I will quote you below, and respond to some of the points you have made.

quote "I totally agree with you, of a truth when we meet someone and instantly get connected (chemistry) to that person, it is not love but infatuation,"

maybe. maybe not. ever heard someone saying "when our eyes met the first time, we felt like our souls were talking to each other, now we have been together for 20years"? the point I am trying to make is, love is too abstract for us to make general rules about what it is, how it is felt and when.

quote: "One can only love what you know, you cant love what you dont know."

I would say not always. We love Allah/God/Jesus/Mohammed but do we really know him? We love the 'imagination' of what we think he is. I suppose it's the same explanation for why we fall in love with someone we have never set eyes on, but only heard talking on the phone (mind you the phone does something to our voices, which tends to make them more attractive than they really are sometimes :-)) so we think we love the other partner at the end of the line until we have met him/her and realised, what a world far from ours they live in. my view is that love can be spontaneous, not meaning that it's infatuation.

it may be true that the less you know someone the more you love him or her or the less you know someone the less you love him or her...but still you love the person. or are you simply infatuated? sometimes it's hard to draw the lines. I am not saying though, that there is no infatuation, I am simply debating classifying quickly felt emotions as  infatuation. they may not always be such thing.

Thanks Perfect for being as supportive as ever. I will email you the interview questions. Alternatively, we could skype if there is a good connection.

Thank you for the kind words about my research project. It still has some way to go, but I believe it will get 'there' with cokoye community's continued support.

I will talk to Perfect soon.

I meant if the man gets three meals daily, it means he spends the whole day at home. or does he come home everyday from work for meals?

That's complex. To some, love is all these things together. no wonder we come across people saying things like "I love my wife, she is the most beautiful person in the world". sometimes looks are not important, love grows slowly from knowing and understanding someone. I think someone once said love is elusive. It is many different things to many different people, and it can be pain and joy at the same time.

that's just my humble opinion.

She probably felt threatened or like you were intruding into her private sphere. Most people would not be comfortable with having strangers following them 'around'...

Kodo, I think I was about to guess you would raise an issue along these lines. Are your posts becoming so predictable or what :-)

Dear all (my brothers and sisters),

Further to my previous posts, I would like to say I have updated my research blog with more details. I hope the information is enough to provide a somehow more clear picture of what my research is about and where it is going, including who I am: http://research-africa.blogspot.co.uk/

By the way I would like to conduct interviews within our community (cokoye), and if anyone is in UK and willing to do an interview please let me know. That would be so helpful. I will be sending private messages with the requests to some of you.

Thank you for your support so far.

Best wishes,
Penelope (but I prefer Dqueen when interacting here)

That we are all beautiful equal beings, and whom Africa should be proud of.

Three meals per day everyday...you must be a man with no job. or working from home...?

@ogbso...he will have to be a very powerful devil to enter the mosque. but I doubt that Allah/God would let him. If that should be the case, I pray that Allah/God grants me the wisdom he granted the woman you have talked about below.

the mosque represents all things sacred to me. a guy who meets me there and chats me up would be a God or Allah fearing man. What a blessing!

I would prefer the mosque

Sure. Also there is no evidence of people getting punished for destroying other people's bodies.

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."

If this would be true, those who have destroyed other people's bodies would have been destroyed by now. think about war, genocide and murder, and look how many people get away with it.

What I dislike about the other gender is its tendency to believe it knows everything.

I wish the verse on bodies being temples would be more specific.

Kodo...

Praying for the togetherness of African people.

Thank you for the elaboration Perfect.