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Author Topic: Why do so many marriages fail?  (Read 13391 times)

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Offline abitex577

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Without a doubt, marriage is one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make in our lives. Shamefully, too many men and women give more thought to their education, careers and home purchases than they do marriage preparation and the selection of their mate. Why do so many marriages fail? Here are the primary reasons. Learn them and avoid them with every fiber of your being.

They become the wrong mate
They chose the wrong mate
Their marriage was established on a weak foundation, (i.e. sex, unplanned pregnancy, her biological clock, his need to control women)
They didn’t properly get to know each other
They were unequally yoked
Their past relationships/marriages came back to haunt them
One or both spouses:
Made false assumptions about the other
Brought harmful baggage or unresolved issues into their union
Had soul ties with past: spouses, lovers or sex partners
Did not know the “Art of Communication”
Were too immature to marry
Could not accept the other’s child(ren)
Entered the union infected the HIV/AIDS virus or some other STD
Harbored bitterness toward the opposite sex prior to their wedding
Had a defective/bad character
Married for the wrong reason(s)
Were bound by a generational curse of divorce
Had an improper vision for the family
Had unrealistic marital expectations
Didn’t comprehend the financial responsibilities or marriage
Never had proper marital role models
Never submitted to pre-marital training, counseling of mentoring
Didn’t know, understand or comprehend what “True Love” is
Didn’t know or understand what commitment is
Didn’t know, understand or respect the sacredness of the marriage covenant
Who Are You To Judge Me?
The problem is not with the institution of marriage. The problem is with how we have been doing marriage. We have been doing it wrong! People either choose the wrong mate or they become the wrong mate.

However, instead of healing from their past hurts, admitting their bad choices and harmful decisions, correcting their defective characters and properly addressing their baggage, the average man and woman takes the road most traveled. They place the blame of their failed unions on:

[a] The opposite sex, (i.e. all men are dogs - there are no good women)
They start claiming marriage is obsolete
[c] Their belief that no one can be trusted
[d] They blame God, religion, the church morality or their family
[e] They falsely claim that no marriage is meant to last
[f] They blame anything or anyone else, while the true culprit; the man or woman in the mirror continues to make a mangled mess of matrimony.

God forbid that you bring their sins, wrongdoings, shortcomings or faults to the light. I once counseled a man who looked me square in my eyes and brazenly asserted that he had a right to beat his wife. “That’s how I make her obey me,” he said. When I challenged him with the truth, his response was, “Who are you to judge me!”

In another session, I was attempting to persuade an educated woman, that she had to completely change her lifestyle. She expressed a desire to marry, but she was so promiscuous, she had 9 abortions. Alarmingly, she had never tested for the HIV/AIDS virus or any STD and refused to do so. Her response? “Who are you to judge me?” Being the attractive woman that she is, she’ll no doubt eventually snag a husband.

Regrettably, her spouse will mostly likely be in for a rude awakening as he experiences the harmful side effects of her past. This includes but is not limited to the consequences of her numerous sex partners, multiple abortions, soul ties and possible STD infection(s). Yet, according to this woman, any messenger who brings these critical issues to her attention, no matter how their delivery, is being judgmental. In today’s self-righteous society, the mantra is, “Only God can judge me!”

Although their assertion is absolutely false, these men and women continue to use that religious sounding veil as a defense mechanism to hide their sin and gloss over their faults. They adamantly refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Consequently, these types of individuals make for horrilble spouses. They are just another one of the primary reasons why so many marriages fail.

By Gillis T

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This is really informative, I think we all should always willing to learn so that we get better.

Offline Gloria Girl

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 Really a lot to be learned.
We all have really one time or the other get it wrong.

Offline abitex577

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That is why marriage is hard work, daily improving oneself!

Offline Webm

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We're always busy working in our career, but with some balance of activities, we will be fine.

Offline abitex577

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We're always busy working in our career, but with some balance of activities, we will be fine.

Good point Webmaster.

Offline Webm

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You see abitex, we know what we want but most times circumstances constantly militate against things.

Offline abitex577

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@Webmaster, I think not circumstances rather we fail to prepare adequately!!!

Offline Webm

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That is true, but there are always uncontrollable factors e.g you can never accurately predict government policy making. Which affects people living one way or the other.
Just recently government choose to ban part time studies in Nigeria for no apparent reason. When there are many men and women who have planned their way only for this to happen.  

Offline abitex577

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Agreed policy changes are not in out hands, but there is room to plan ahead and make contingency plans that policies can be changed at any time, that is what life is all about, afterall no one can say of a truth he or she has a guarantee of the next minute of his life. When we prepare adequately and understand life in this dimension, it becomes very easy to handle issues beyond our immediate control.

Offline Gloria Girl

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Life is great, when everything concerns us works perfectly.

Offline abitex577

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Life is great, when everything concerns us works perfectly.

Life doesn't always gives us what we want, we have to create it for ourselves!

Offline Gloria Girl

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That is true, but is there guarantee we will create and succeed in what we want?

Offline abitex577

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Obviously no guarantees! But we keep trying!!!

Offline Webm

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The only Guarantee in life is God almighty.
But life general there is always change of succeeding. For marriage things will always be ok, with right mind-set and management as no one wants his/her marriage to fail.   

Cokoye


 

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