Everything I could ever ask for

Episode 16

Ikram's POV

I woke up today with a new hope. A vibrant energy. I had no idea where they came from but I could feel it all around me. I had decided to take life a little more lightly. Yes I was married and the man I was married to doesn't seem to care about me. I just had to be a little more understanding and hopefully he'll come around. Before then,I'll be the perfect housewife. I don't care how he treats me anymore. I know it was easier said than done but I was willing to try. I just hoped that my one sided feeling was going to be enough for both of us. I won't give up on him. He had clearly been through a lot that made him the way he was and slowly I'll get through him.

Ya Allah,please make it easy for me.

I opened my side drawer and brought out my diary. I couldn't remember the last time I wrote in it. Might as well pour my heart out. I took out my pen and began to write.

15th September,2016

Dear diary,

It's been long I wrote to you and many things had happened. Like surprise surprise I'm married. Surprising right? I know I know too early,but fate has its own ways. I'm married to Adnan,Zahra's brother that I once told you about. Yeah my crush,him. I should be happy right?but why am I not? Sometimes I feel like breaking down and shouting but what good will that do for me. It's just two days into my wedding and I assure you it's not all rainbows and unicorns. We hardly speak and I always avoid him. But do you think I should try harder? I don't even know what to do and even though it's too early,I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with him. I don't understand how I can fall in love with someone who doesn't even give me a second glance,but the heart wants what it wants. I wish he'd give us a chance and forget about whatever past that keeps haunting him. I want this to work so bad that I'm willing to try. I'll fight for us even though I'll be the one to get hurt. And one day I hope he'll feel the same way about me too. Goodbye dearie,till I write to you again and that'll be often.

I closed the diary and kept it under my pillow and felt at ease. Sometimes I even forget how writing in my diary helped ease what ever I was going through.

I never got the chance to explore the house,so I did just that. Passing away time before it was time for the dinner at Zahra's place. I'm even looking forward to it now because on the bright side, I'm gonna spend time with my best friend. We've got a lot of catching up to do.

I was about to go down the stairs when I heard a sound coming from Adnan's room. Sounded almost like sobbing. I made my way to the direction of his room and yes he was crying.

Oh my God,what could've made him cry? I thought.

I could feel my heart constrict at the thought that he was in so much pain. I so badly wanted to go in there and hold him tight,consoling him but then I remembered his rules but damn to hell with his rules.

I opened the door and made my way inside his room. My first time in his room. The first thing that greeted me was black,everything was dark. I spotted his shadow on the bed laying down. He was sleeping and having nightmares I think. I had to wake him up. I went over and shook him but he didn't budge. Tears were streaming down his face as he was whispering "No,please No,don't leave me." I shook him harder and he finally jolted awake and startled me by pulling me and hugging me tight. I could feel my face go warm but this was not the time. I held him tightly and let him cry while I whispered soothing words in his ear. When his crying died down,I think he realized what he was doing and he immediately let go of me,I felt empty when his arms left me but I kept a straight face.

"I told you not to come into my room." He said. I felt really hurt that he had to remind of that.

"I know,I'm sorry but you were crying and I thought you were ill or something."

He looked away without replying me. "I'm sorry that someone out there made you distrust love. That they walked into your life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there is. That now you don't trust family, don't trust friendship. That you live waiting for people to abandon you,that you leave early so they don't leave you. But please dont give up because not everybody is going to hurt you."

I didn't know where all these came from but I was glad I said them because he looked so vulnerable at that moment. He still hadn't said a word and I continued.

"I know that something happened that made you the way you are now. An arrogant and cold person. No offence. The nightmares and all but please you have to move past it. I also know that it's about a girl,I have no idea or any clue what happened,who she is or where she is and I'm not going to pry you to tell me anything. Just know that Allah doesn't burden his slaves with what they cannot bear so please try to put your past behind you and focus on the future,because if you keep letting old scars haunt you,you'll never find the inner piece which you always crave for."

Even after my long speech he didn't utter any word. Just looking at me with his bloodshot eyes. They were kinda scary at the moment. I had never seen a man cry. When guys cry,you know that things had gotten out of hand and that what ever was bothering them was getting too hard to handle.

I just hope he's going to be alright.

"Just know that I'll always be here for you. I don't care if you push me away or don't reciprocate the feelings I have for you but I'm hoping that one day you'll look at me differently." I said and stood up about to leave when he held my hand. "Please just stay for a while,until I sleep." He finally spoke his voice hoarse.

I nodded and sat next to him watching as he tried to go back to sleep. Why does he even want to sleep by this time anyway?ah I remember it was still 9:00am and I was an early riser. I watched as his rapid breathing decreased to a slow pace,till his face had a peaceful calm to it before I stood quietly and left the room closing the door silently behind him.

I sat down by his door with my hands covering my face and thinking about how much vulnerability he let down today. I was sure he never wanted me to see him this way,with his guard let down,but a part of me was glad that I did because at least I had a glimpse into how much he was suffering. I had no idea how often he gets these nightmares and my heart broke a little for him.

My determination to be there for him increased. And I was slowly and slowly learning to love him which was a good thing and also a bad thing. I don't think we can make it to the dinner,he might not want to go.

I stood up from my crouched position and went back to my room. I picked my phone and called Zahra to inform her.

*

Zahra's POV

I heard my phone ringing. Who the hell was calling me this early morning. I'm going to rip their heads off. I lazily grabbed my phone and checked the caller and it was Ikram. Not a surprise,she was used to disrupting my beauty sleep. I picked up.

"Sannu da aiki! What are you doing awake by this time and disrupting my beauty sleep?"

"Oh sorry,thought you'd be awake. Just wanted you to apologize to Umma that we won't be making it to the dinner today." She said.

"What?why?" I asked surprised.

"Adnan isn't feeling too well."she said and my heart dropped.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked. He hardly gets sick.

"I think it's fever,he'll be alright though,don't worry just extend my apologies to Umma."

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Alright.Will do in sha Allah. See you acting all wifey and all." I said laughing.

I could imagine her blushing at the other end. "Hah. Whatever, go back to sleep." She replied.

"You're now chasing me. It's alright." I said mimicking jenifa's accent.

"Yeah yeah and greet ya Ahmad for me. Tell him I said well done for not even calling me to see how I was doing." She said and it was my turn to blush as she mentioned ya Ahmad.

"He's your brother. Tell him yourself."

"No I want you to tell him. Bye go and continue your so called beauty sleep." And with that she cut the call leaving me wide awake thinking about a certain someone.

Me and Ahmad had gotten really close. I had a crush on him once because I see him often  as he was my best friend's brother. But when Ikram told me he had feelings for me,I don't know what got into me but I could feel the crush I had for him vanish. That was one problem with me,I don't know what love is,the highest I'd ever had was a crush and that was it. Because even if I liked someone and they tell me they liked me too,I feel nothing and push them away,then they leave.

But Ahmad was different. Even though I pushed him away,he refused to leave me. He was very persistent and I had to give up and tell him we just had to be friends and that was all. He gladly accepted and the rest was history. We chat all day and make phone calls for like hours and I never got tired of conversing with him. He never brought up anything about his feelings for me and now I want him to because I had grown so attached to him. I couldn't believe that I ever rejected him. He was one of the sweetest and most charming person I've ever met. Any day he doesn't call,I get worried that he had grown tired of me. And then he calls and every thing gets back to normal.

I don't like that he makes me feel stuffs I've never experienced. Making me go soft and all. This feeling was so foreign but I was going to keep my feelings to myself. Maybe he justs sees me as a friend now and nothing else and me telling him about my feelings could ruin our friendship,so I'm just gonna keep quiet and hope that he'll ask me out again.

***** to be continue

[A/N:] Zahra you too again.. Some girls dey fall for guys but na to talk am wahala
Well if that wasn't intense,I don't know what it is. Finals are approaching...

Everything I could ever ask for

Episode 17

Ikram's POV

It had been two weeks since my wedding and the incident with Adnan. School had resumed and Adnan was back to work. I don't know what changed that morning but I knew that something changed between us. He doesn't ignore me and he tries to make up small conversations with me. I was relieved that at least he spared some of his time for  me. Little by little I pray he gets past whatever was bringing him down.

I was in my room getting ready for school. A new semester and a new school year. My third year to be exact.

I couldn't believe that I've gone this far and I've got like a year more to finish with the stress that school came along with. I dressed in a pink and blue skirt and blouse and tied my headtie in neat steps and then grabbed a blue veil. Apparently since I'm married I have to dress like one mama but I honestly don't mind,since I wasn't really some fashionista.

I grabbed my bag and went downstairs to find Adnan already waiting for me. He informed me that he would be the one taking me to school and bringing me back and that if he couldn't make it Zahra could give me a ride.

"Good morning." I greeted with a smile.

"Morning." He said without returning my smile. It hurt but I was taking everything slow. I wasn't going to push him too hard. But I thought we had some kind of mutual agreement?I guess not. I sighed heavily and made my way outside. He should lock the door for all I care.

I stood by his car waiting for him and he finally arrived. He wore a sky blue kaftan with a matching cap. His shoes were black,probably some designer shoes. I must say, sky blue really fitted him with his complexion and all. I turned my face so he doesn't have to notice I was blatantly checking him out.

He opened the doors and I sat at the passenger side making myself comfortable in the car. The car seats were so comfy. He entered and started the engine and off we went.

And as you know me I just had to make up a conversation and that's what I did.

"I want to visit my parents later today when I come back from school." I said looking at him. I haven't seen my parents or siblings since the day they brought me to my matrimonial home. But ya Ahmad called me. I guess Zahra conveyed my message. Though I felt like my family had already abandoned me.

"I won't be back early from work,so I wouldn't be able to take you. Why not tomorrow." He said without looking at me.

"I can go by myself never mind. I'll just call a cab or something." I was really feeling homesick and if I didn't see my family today,I think I'll go crazy. Sitting in that house alone well not technically alone was torture. I get really bored and my dear husband here doesn't keep me company.

I heard him sigh,with his eyes still on the road and his hands clutching tight on the steering as if he was having an internal battle,he finally spoke. "I guess I can come back early and then we'll go."

I smiled and felt like hugging him at that moment. "Thank you,thank you." I said excitedly.

I thought I saw something close to a smile on his face? Nah my eyes just tricked me. "I'm that boring huh? Look at how excited you're to go home." He said and I swear I could detect a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Uhm,well it's not like that. I just miss them alot. I haven't seen them in like forever but yeah you know,you're boring,no offence." I said liking that he's loosening up a bit. I might never get this chance.

His laughter boomed in the car. Oh my God,he laughed. This was the first I've ever heard him laugh and my God, the sound was magical,I could listen to him laugh all day. And I was proud of myself that I made him laugh. "You're really something Bambi." He said.

Before I could reply,the car came to a halt and here I was back to school. The ride was so short. I wish it didn't end. "I hope you always keep being this carefree around me." I muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." I said quickly shaking my head.

"What time are you finishing your lectures?" He asked.

"Well,I'm not sure since it's the first day. I've got to collect my timetable to find out. But I'll let you know in sha Allah."

"Okay then."

I came out of the car and waved him and he just nodded and off he went leaving me standing and watching as his car zoomed off. Well one thing never changed and that was his signature nod.

The world looked a little brighter. With looking forward to meet my family and Adnan's new sense of humour nothing could go wrong or so I thought.

*

It was about 3:30 and classes were over. I texted Adnan to let him know and he said he just left work and would be here soon. I came out with Zahra,she said she'd wait for me till Adnan comes. How sweet of her. We were sitting by the gates just talking randomly when I saw Husna with a bunch of guys heading towards our direction . I didn't know she was in my school. I just prayed she won't notice us and just pass by because I was really not ready for her drama. But I guess I wasn't that lucky as she just noticed me and I saw a smirk pull up in her face. Well that didn't look good.

She approached us with her guys following her like stray puppies. What was she doing hanging out with guys like this. They looked rugged,with their hair full and honestly it looked disgusting. One that I noticed dyed a part of his hair a blue colour, like seriously? They just looked scary not the type of guys Husna should be hanging around with. Even though we were sworn enemies,she was still my cousin,my blood and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

"Well,well,well,who do we have here? My favourite cousin." She said the favourite with so much scorn.

"I doubt the word you're looking for is favourite." I shot back.

"Whatever, aren't you wondering why I'm at your school?"

"Care to enlighten me?" I said looking her straight in the eye.

"Well,you know" she said playing with the rings in her fingers. Who wears that much rings? "I got expelled from AUN so the only university that accepted me was Nile,surprise surprise."

I looked at her with my mouth gaping. Even Zahra looked at her shocked.  She got expelled? What the hell did she do? I was tempted to ask but kept my mouth shut.

"That's..erm disturbing." I said and she laughed and her minions laughed with her. What was so amusing.

"Ikram Ikram, always so naive. Won't you ask what I did?"

"No thanks, I doubt I want to know." I said. Where the heck was Adnan,he should come and save me from this awkward conversation.

"Whatever,you are acting all big and and everything just because you managed to seduce a rich man,well to me you're still that little trash that her daddy couldn't pay her school fees in secondary school that he had to beg my father for money." She said and her minions burst out laughing.

Her words hit home and I was burning in fury and hurt. I didn't even know what to say,I felt like if I said one word I was going to start crying. Thankfully Zahra replied her.

"You excuse of a human being,if you don't leave this instant I swear you'll regret ever knowing me. You know very well who my father is and you seriously don't want to cross my lane  or else I'll ruin you. Jealous b?tch,you're  just jealous because she's achieved what you can't even dream to have so you insult her. Look at the people you're hanging with" She said pointing to husna's minions.  "If all of you aren't the trash combined, I don't know what else is."

Zahra finished and I stood there gaping at her. Husna looked close to bursting and her minions looked like they were going to kill us or something. "This isn't over cuz." She said and then she left.

I broke down on Zahra's shoulder and she kept consoling me saying I shouldn't let her get to me. I didn't know why things made me cry but what Husna said really hurt me. Yes I know there was a time things was very hard for my parents when Baba lost his job and couldn't pay our school fees that he had no other option than to ask her father for help. What Baba did for us we can never repay him. And even after her father helped us,he gave Baba work in his company. Her father was a very generous and kind hearted man,I don't know where she got her own traits from. She had always hated me and the feeling was mutual. But what she did today, it really went far. Humiliating me in public,what had I ever done to deserve this.

Just then Adnan decided to grace us with his presence. He parked the car in front of us and I stood up,opened the door and sat inside. I pray my puffy eyes weren't visible. I rolled down the window to say bye to Zahra.

"Ya Adnan,I know you, Ikram isn't feeling well so don't make it worse." She said and I glared at her. Why did she have to tell him.

"Hello to you too stranger." He told her and she just shrugged it off.

"I mean it fah, don't make her feel worse and psst ice cream always cheers her up." Then she turned to me ignoring the glare I was giving her. "See you tomorrow ikky, don't worry to much." I nodded and with that she left. I rolled up the windows and didn't even dare to turn and see Adnan's expression.

"I take it that you'll postpone your visit to your family right?" I nodded without turning. I don't think my parents will appreciate seeing me this way. He didn't say anything and then started the car.

My mind was far from everything. I just wanted to go home and curl myself in my blanket then vent to my diary. I was so happy today but Husna had to ruin it.

I felt the car stop and I was surprised. Had we reach home already? I looked through the window and saw that he stopped in coldstone. Oh!wow,I didn't expect him to heed Zahra's words.

He turned to me and asked."Do you prefer to go inside or I should just get takeaway?"

Who was this and what had he done to Adnan. He was asking for my opinion. I snapped out of my astonishment and replied. "I'd prefer takeaway please."

He nodded and opened the car door and went inside the coldstone. Few minutes passed and he came out holding a cold stone leather. He came inside the car and we made our way home. I was glad he was not asking what happened because I didn't want to relive it.

In a few minutes we arrived home and I made my way to the house. I opened the door and stepped in going straight to my room.

"I'll be going to the mosque for asr prayer,when I come back we'll talk." He said and went to the kitchen to probably put the ice cream in the freezer.

"Okay,a dawo lafiya(come back safely)."

I went to my room and changed my clothes into something comfy. I picked up a black sweatpants and a yellow spongebob long sleeve then made my way to the bathroom to perform ablution. I finished and then lay my praying mat and prayed. I prolonged my sujood and asked Allah to be with me every step of the way. I finished praying and took my diary to write before Adnan comes back.

29th September,2016

Dear diary,
Today started out great. Adnan laughed and it was one of the best thing I've heard in my life. He was starting to loosen up to me and I'm glad he was making effort. We like actually conversed,I won't go into too much details but I fell for him even more. I didn't admit this to myself  but I'm admitting it to you because at least you won't judge me. My subconscious will always judge me,lol I'm being weird right now. But anyways school was great till I bumped into Husna. Yeah the Husna you know,my arch enemy. Turns out she's transferred to our school because apparently she has been expelled from her's. I know I don't like Husna but I'm feeling sorry for her. The way she was playing with her future. But I don't feel sorry for her anymore because dearie she insulted me and reminded me of when times were hard for our family. Those times when my parents struggled to provide everything for me and my siblings. I cried dearie even though I shouldn't have but her words hurt. She called me trash,who deserves that? I had no words for her but Zahra stood up for me. I love her and I don't know what I'd do without her. Bye dearie,I can hear Adnan calling for me. Write to you soon.XX

I closed my diary and carried a black veil and tied it on my hair then went downstairs to meet Adnan. I took cautious steps wondering what he wanted to talk about hoping he wouldn't bring up what happened an hour ago. I went to the living room and he wasn't there. I checked the gaming room and he was seated there with the ice cream beside him.  The gaming room was a very huge room. There were no chairs just comfy round pillows with blankets. There were also gaming gadgets ,not that I really know them or anything.

The room was dark with only a single lamp lighting the room. He noticed me and ushered me to come and sit. I sat next to him and watched as he stood up to  switch on the big plasma television. The light almost blinded me as he switched it on. He put on the movie Me before You.

He sat down and passed me my ice cream. I opened it and it was Oreo and vanilla my favourite. "How'd you know Oreo was my favourite." I asked while taking a scoop and savouring the heaven in my hands.

He scratched the back of his neck and said."Ah,well I called Zahra."

"Oh you should've just asked me." I said. But he didn't reply. We sat there in comfortable silence while the movie played.

"I wasn't always like this." I heard him say. I turned to look at him,but I couldn't see his face due to the dim light.

"I don't understand." I said. He didn't say anything more. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"I know." He sighed. "I'm not being fair to you,I know that. My silence frustrates you,I also know that. It's just that I can't bring myself to love again. You see,you were right the other day,I'm scared of letting people in because I've learnt from past experience that they always leave,even if it's not their fault. I'm scared of opening up to you,because I can't handle the fact that one day you'll get  tired of my bullshit and leave me too."

I stayed silent and didn't know what to say. I then did something I'd never thought I'd do. I held his hands,he flinched a little but then relaxed. "I won't blame you for feeling that way. I've never really known what it felt like to have a loved one leave me but I know it's painful. But believe me when I say that I'll never leave you. And do you know why?"

He shook his head and asked. "Why?"

I braced myself as I finally admitted to myself . "Because I love you. I've loved you even though all you ever did was push me away. I've loved you since the day I set my eyes on you on that fateful day at school. I've loved you even though you hurt me. And after tolerating all that,you think I'll leave you? No I'm not like that. I fight for things I want and do everything in my power to keep them,so don't ever doubt for a moment that I'd ever leave you."

He looked at me in shock and turned his face to the tv screen. Did I say it too early? He cut me off my thoughts when he replied. "Thank you." After all my declaration of love,he's saying thank you?okay.

"For what?" I asked

"For loving a broken person like me. And one day I hope I'll be able to say the same to you."

I nodded and removed my hand from his but he just held tighter. We just sat there looking at the screen but not concentrating on the movie each lost in our own thoughts. Today he finally opened up to me even though he didn't tell me about his past. Taking it one step at a time.

"You know." He said turning to me. "You never did tell me what happened today."

"You never did ask."

"Well I'm asking now."

"You really don't want to know."

"But I insist."

I sighed then said." Let's just say I ran into my arch enemy and she said some really hurtful things to me."

"Oh,sorry about that."
7
"It's fine,I'm past it." I said not even sure if I was really past it.

He nodded and then turned to the screen,the movie was almost finishing. I know if I had been concentrating on the movie,I'd have cried because it was a really emotional movie. We sat there in comfortable silence and I could feel myself dozing off to sleep. I kept trying to keep my eyes open but I couldn't. I felt myself leaning on a hard surface. "Sleep tight Bambi." And then I closed my eyes.

To be continue